Compliment Yourself

Hey there, everyone – we are more than halfway through the week! It sure does feel good to be able to say goodbye to Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. I am so glad that my last post was able to touch some of you. It can take a long time to finally accept the person you are and the person you have always been meant to be, but once you do, it’s almost as if a weight is lifted. A challenge for you; each time you say something negative about yourself, say something positive, too. Get into the habit of complimenting yourself once you’ve criticized yourself. I figure since we talk down to ourselves way too often, we should try to reverse it and undo the damage if possible.

And now, because I had a docotors appointment at 7:00 AM, had a full day of work, went to the gym, and just got back from kickball with my friends, I am too tired to write a full post. So of course, this is where Pinterest comes in and does the talking for me. Enjoy your night! ALSO – in the comment section, please tell me one thing that you like about yourself! Don’t be shy.

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(Going to try to pull off the above look ASAP)

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I Actually Like Myself

Recently I have been on a ‘I like myself’ kick and it feels really good and at the same time it feels really weird. Have you ever just sat back and been like, ‘hot damn I like myself’? Well I guess I have. And it didn’t happen over night and it certainly never happened in years past… but lately… it’s just happened. It’s nothing in particular I guess. It’s also been really refreshing. I have found that once you actually like yourself, everything around you seems to change. Moods change, happiness changes, priorities change, opinions change. I think I am in a certain place in my life where I realize if I don’t take the time to appreciate myself now, I will never learn how to do it.

There’s been a few situations recently that I won’t go into that have challenged me in a good way. They have made me sit back, think about my priorities and what means the most to me, and how to get it without feeling afraid or anxious. Something has changed in me over the past year. This time last year I was not in a good place, I have to be honest. Between my four wisdom teeth surgeries due to crazy complications, having to go to work with bruises and a sore face from the surgeries, and dating one of the worlds biggest douche bags, I was not myself and not happy. Almost every morning before work I would have to go to the oral surgeons office and almost every night before bed I was at odds with mr. douche bag. I was a miserable human being and couldn’t get myself out of it.

Over the past month, I have compared where I was this time last year — professionally, personally, and relationship-wise, and I am literally looking at a totally different woman. I am proud of the way I have evolved and come into myself and I think this is all about growing up. Do I still have insecurities? There is no doubt. But I don’t feel they take over my frame of mind. Back in the day, when I was suffering with my ED, it was my insecurities that broke me down and forced me into what was a few years of torment and torture.

But — luckily — I can truly say I like myself now. I like who I am, I like my personality, I love my family and friends, I really like my taste in men, and I like the way I look. Um, hi! I never would have said that a year or two ago. Truth be told, it’s really weird to say (and write) these things out loud — but I dont really give two shits if anyone is judging me. In terms of guys, I think I used to go for the bad boys (not think — I know I did) because they were the excitement I needed and the bad-assnes (not a word, dont curr) that I didn’t have myself. But recently, I’ve realized, that’s actually not what I LIKE. I don’t like when you’re an asshole, I don’t like when you play games, and I don’t like when you still act like you’re a twenty year old fraternity boy doing keg stands. Thank youuuuuu and goodnight!

I hardly ever talk about my relationships or where I’m at with guys on the blog because I used to date the WRONG guys. I wasn’t serious about myself, I wasn’t serious about guys, and in turn, nothing was serious. And I knew this was a constant pattern but didn’t have the guts or strength to stop it. But over the past year, since I’ve been confident, strong, and dare I say it, a sexy, driven woman, the reactions and changes from the right guys have been incredible. I can see it and feel it with my own eyes and experiences.

I am a firm believe that the energy you put into the world, is the energy you will receive back. It’s taken me a whole 25 years to get to this place, but at least I have found it. Somehow I have found myself. Call it a quarter life crisis or whatever you wish, but I am really enjoying it. Best crisis I have ever been through. For the first time in a long time I really like the woman I have become and it hasn’t been without it’s struggles. My relationship with God is better, my acceptance of my body is better, my preferences in guys are better, and overall I am just a better person I like myself better than I ever have, and I don’t see this attitude changing for a long time. My life right now:

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friends night

girls mexico

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Showing some leg, don’t care!

Loving every minute.

xo,

Steph

Mexico: Where We Stayed

Hi everyone! How has your weekend? I’m here to tell you all about where my friends and I stayed while in Mexico. For our vacation, my friends and I chose to go with an all-inclusive resort called the Fiesta Condensa Americana in Cancun. I loved how open and airy it was as soon as we arrived. Even though you are technically indoors, the whole space is very out-doorsy and you can always smell and hear the ocean. I loved how spacious everything was and you never felt cramped or uncomfortable. As soon as we arrived, all of us decided to upgrade our rooms to face the ocean, and for $25 extra a night, it was worth it. I would literally stare at the ocean while getting ready for dinner or a night out. It was so irresistable and beautiful.

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As I mentioned in my last post when I reviewed the food, I felt the restaurants were great. There was enough cuisine to please everyone, and the lobby lounge was amazing. The bartenders were quick, polite, and overall very helpful — that goes for the entire staff. The staff was so pleasant and incredibly helpful and we always found our rooms in perfect condition after a long, glorious day at the beach. And, um, room service was until 6 AM, soooo after a cray cray evening out in Cancun……… yeah.

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I was just really happy with the overall experience of where we stayed. The rooms, the bars, restaurants, beaches, and pools were perfect. There was definitely enough seating both at the pool and the beach which can sometimes be a big deal on these types of resorts. However, my friends and I chose to go right after all of the college kids’ Spring breaks and right before Summer so we basically chose the perfect time to go. I usually don’t like recommending any type of hotel for people to stay at because it’s generally a personal choice, but I can’t say enough good things about the Fiesta Condensa Americana. I really can’t wait to go back at some point in my life!

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Enjoy the rest of your day/night!

WIAW – Mexio Style

Happy Wednesday everyone! I decided to celebrate ‘What I Ate Wednesday’ by showing you all the goodies I enjoyed while in Mexico! So thank you to Jenn, as always, for putting this party together each and every week.

Since the resort was all-inclusive, all of our food and drinks were included with everything we paid for. Like I said in my first post, I was very pleasantly surprised with the quality of the food, as everything we ate was fresh and delicious. The resort had about four different bars, two or three different snack areas, and I believe four restaurants in total.

While in Cancun, I felt like I was able to balance everything out and indulge when I wanted and eat a little ‘healthier’ at times, too. I was pretty pleased that I was able to fit in two great cardio workouts, but I didn’t go over-board and force myself to workout each and every day — I wanted to sleep! But anyway, back to the food. Breakfasts revolved around egg white omelettes, good old regular eggs, pastries, fruit, smoked salmon, and green juice — and no, not all in one sitting!

chocolate muffin and donuts

egg white breakfast

smoked salmon and eggs

green juice

The mini chocolate muffin you see above alongside the donut were split with my friend Rebecca. Hands down, the chocolate muffin was WAY better than the donut and we didn’t even finish the donut to be honest. And the green juice was awesome! I’m pretty sure it was a combination of kiwi and spinach — super healthy, refreshing, and tasty.

There were endless options for lunches. There was a grilling station near the pool where a bunch of different items would be prepared each day; kebabs, potatoes, grilled vegetables, and so on. There was a ‘fried food/snack’ area that served up chicken fingers, fries, quesadillas, pizza, nachos, etc. Then there were two sit down restaurants — one that was outside and served up fresh chilled fish ceviche and fish tacos, and the other that was a buffet. I usually either went to the outdoor restaurant with the fresh fish or to the buffet to get a break from the sun.

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margarita at lunch

split lunch

chips and guac

ceviche and fish tacos

And on our last day, we were treated by our waiter to some nacho’s by the pool and some delicious island-y drinks!

nacho pool side

bob marleys

Those red, green, and yellow drinks you see above are ‘Bob Marleys’ – I think they are pretty much a combination of different juices and malibu? Either way they were amazeballs and basically tasted like ice pops infused with alcohol. Winning!

My favorite dinner on the resort, by far, was at the Italian restaurant. The food was so freaking good that we went twice! Imagine finding delicious Italian food in Cancun — who would have thought!?

italian tuna

italian caprese

italian duck

italian dessert

We all split a bunch of appetizers, including the caprese salad and fresh tuna tartar. We also shared the beef carpaccio which was a major hit amongst all of us – so much so that we ordered two dishes of it on the second night we went to the Italian restaurant. The first night we went to the restaurant, I ordered the duck as my entree and couldn’t hardly eat any of it because the appetizers were so, so good.

One evening we were being lazy and decided to order room service — ceaser salads, quesadillas to split, and of course, guacamole! I was definitely impressed by the room service food; it was so fresh and delicious.

room service

After eating on the resort so much, the girls and I decided that we needed to eat out one night. One of the girls in the group, Sam, had heard of a great little joint called the Blue Geco, known for its tasty food and incredible drinks. I can’t say enough good things about the Blue Geco — the food was filled with flavor and the drinks were, in fact, incredible. I stuck with the frozen mango margaritas and am so glad that I did — I think I have a new favorite margarita! We all decided to split the nachos to start, and for my entree, I went for the taco salad with spicy shrimp.

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mango margarita

taco salad

So as you can see, I had an amazing week filled with more treats than I can express. But it was so worth it and so good! Worth every bite! I’ll be back in a day or two with another post with a review of the resort that my friends and I stayed at during our trip.

Question of the Day: Are you a margarita lover? What’s your favorite flavor? If you don’t prefer margaritas, what is your fun drink of choice?

Pray For Boston

Hi all, I know in my last post I said that I would be re-capping my trip to Cancun, which I still will within the next day or two, but it wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t dedicate one post to the tragedy that occurred in Boston yesterday. As soon as I heard of the horrific events, I felt terrible. Two February’s ago, my friend Rebecca and I took a trip to Boston for the weekend which I documented here.

I loved the city of Boston – how quaint it was, the history, the good food, the drinks, and just the atmosphere itself. It was a wonderful place to explore, and it pains me that our world is such a dangerous place. That being said, it should be noted that there are also very good people and those people were running to the hospital yesterday straight from the finish line to donate blood to those in need.

My thoughts and prayers go out to everyone who was affected by this tragedy. We are all thinking of you.

-Steph

Cancun 2013

Hi there, everyone! I’m back! After seven sun-soaked and pool side days, I am officially back in the city of New York. It’s a bit slow moving for me today (we traveled literally all day yesterday) and I didn’t even make it to the gym this morning as I had been hoping. I guess that’s okay considering my eating habits will significantly change today from chips, guacamole, margaritas, and anything carb-related back to eggs, salads, and tofu. I’m actually okay with that after all of the splurging I did!

Luckily, I did manage to get in two lengthy workouts during my trip, but for me, working out was not my priority. Nor was being ‘too’ careful with what I was eating. I wanted to enjoy everything! And I definitely did. I will re-cap my trip in a few different posts, but for now, I wanted to give you a preview of in some pictures. I think my re-cap will consist of where we stayed, the food, and how we spent our days/nights. So expect a total of three posts! Hope you enjoy the pics :)

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fish tacos

last dinner

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mex group

steph pool

sunset

taco salad

view

Have a great beginning of the week — looking forward to sharing more about the vacation with all of you!

Mexico

This post is to say ‘hello’ and ‘goodbye’! No, I am not quitting blogging, but I am however going to be leaving in a couple of days for a vacation to Mexico with a group of my friends! This trip has been a long time coming and I have never felt more ready for sleep, sunshine, the beach, and a margarita (or ten). I’m looking forward to getting in a couple more workouts prior to leaving so that I am as bikini ready as possible. These are some of the views I will have over the course of the week:

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It’s not the same group as last time who went to Aruba – except for Rebecca, whose coming to Mexico, too!

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We had soooo much fun in Aruba, that I’m basically hoping this is an Aruba part 2! So with that said, I am off to the gym — bikini, bikini, bikini!

Talk to you all, soon!

Steph

WIAW – NOPE!

Hi, guys. Hope your week has been going strong! We are half way through the week – and thank God because I will be busy getting ready this weekend to leave for Mexico bright and early Monday morning! I know that in the healthy eating blog world, Wednesday is regarded as ‘What I Ate Wednesday’, but to be very honest with you – my eats have been super boring. I am getting ready for the beach, people!

So my meals/snacks have been comprised of grilled chicken, egg whites, spinach, some veggie chips, almonds, walnuts, etc… and then next week I will be having fajitas, margaritas, and guac on guac on guac. Pretty amazing stuff to look forward to!

I’ve been pinteresting my way around here and there, looking at all sorts of beautiful sayings, things — basically anything and everything. Here is some of my latest inspiration to share with you!

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Take-your-own-picture.

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Night night!

First Spring Weekend

Hello and Happy Easter for those of you who celebrate! My family has never been a big Easter family – our huge holiday is Christmas – so we just did our own little celebration on Friday night by going out to dinner in the city since my sister was off for the week from college. We went to dinner at a restaurant called Citron which is a french bistro on the Upper West Side. The food was great and the company was even better.

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mom and me easter dinner

It was also a lovely evening because I got to spend time with Spanky, my furry little doggie-easter bunny! Isn’t he the best?!

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On Saturday morning, my friend Rebecca and I went to the gym and sweated our behinds off prior to our shopping day! For my birthday, my friend Jenn was incredibly generous and gave me one of her friends and family cards to the Michael Kors store. Jenn works in corporate for Michael Kors and she receives a few family and friends cards to pass out. The cards give you access to almost anything in the store for half off! Crazy, I know. It was soooo much fun. The fashion and accessories lover in me was going nuts. I think Rebecca was on a shopping high, too. Here are a few of my amazing purchases!

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mk wallet

mk shoes

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I kind of went a little crazy (I also purchased a pair of aviators) but with everything being half off, I couldn’t stop myself. My favorite purchase was probably the black and white striped dress in the picture above. It’s super casual yet sexy because there is a slit on either side — love it. The black platforms I purchased pair perfectly with the dress! Swoon <3

Saturday night brought an incredibly fun night out with some of my oldest friends. It was so much fun, and I was definitely paying for it this morning ;) But somehow I managed to get in a light workout, food shopping, and a little cleaning. Hooray for me! Here are some pictures from last night.

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First beautiful Spring night in NYC! Weee!

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Now I’m off to get my fill of reality television and relax before the work week begins!

Question of the Night: When was your last shopping spree? What did you do this weekend?

For My Readers

This post is kind of the bridge between who I am now and who I was then. ‘Then’ meaning the me during my ED and where my state of mind was. You kind of have an idea and you have a knowledge as to the different person I was when I was going through something as traumatic and painful as an ED. Many of your reactions to my last post were ones of hope — hope that you will get to where I am present day. You also want to get to a place where you no longer CONSTANTLY think about what you’re eating, when you’ll workout, where you’re going out to eat, how to avoid drinking, and how to not gain weight whatsoever. I never really think about these things in terms of restriction or obsession anymore — I more think about them in a ‘normal’ (what the fck is normal, for real?) more platonic way. I want some of you who struggle with ED’s and recovery to be where I am.

For example, the old me would have said, “you must find a way to spend AT LEAST 40-60 minutes on the treadmill and only eat egg whites after with a slice of 40 cal toast and zero cal spray butter”. The me today often says, “ohhmygoddd I don’t really want to go to the gym but I will because I feel sooo much better after PLUS there’s a really cute trainer who is great to look at from the elliptical so um yeah I’m going”. Seriously. That’s literally the convo I have with myself present day. You’d laugh if you were inside my head — it’s a comedy show up there.

Also, for instance, in terms of food, the old me would have said, “I need to definitely measure out my one cup of grapes because one cup of grapes is one weight watchers point and I can’t waste two points on grapes!!!”. I now say to myself, “Good LAWD all I want is some healthy MAC and CHEEZEEE but I can’t get my hands on some sooooo I’m going to have two slices of reduced fat cheese and get the craving over with”. It’s all good people. But there was a time when it wasn’t and I am so glad to say things have changed.

I was very, very happy that many of you could see through my last post as a way of getting to where you want to be, once your Eating Disorder and Recovery is over. I do find it strange, at times, that I have no traces of an ED whatsoever. I am no longer obsessive and compulsive about weird things or ANYTHING really for that matter. I am pretty laid back and while I like to have a general plan, I also like going with the flow — which I know for many of you out there suffering with an ED, is a tragically difficult thing to do. It’s a scary thing to do — just going with the flow – and you will avoid it at all costs. Trust me, I’ve been there.

My blog has been a space of fun, showing you my great times out in the city, what I have been eating at restaurants, MAYBE if I have made a recipe, which God knows I haven’t done in quite some time and I miss doing. But truthfully, I am glad my life is so full right now that I can’t add one more thing to the list. I want to bake — but I more want to relax when I have an hour or two free. I don’t want to keep making my life one big ‘to do’ list because if I keep adding to the list, I will be more worried about checking off those tasks rather than just living my life.

I learned, very much, from my eating disorder, that what needs to be done is discovering yourself and discovering your fun. I had to discover myself when I almost lost everything in a storm of uncertainty, pain, and isolation. BUT — I was still able to come out of it knowing who I am more than ever and trying to invest in my personality and myself. You are your best investment. You know how you invest time into working out, being the best friend ever, and being a good employee — you must take some of that energy and time to zone in on what you like about yourself.

Instead of drinking that haterade and picking on yourself, you need to turn that shit around asap. It sort of seems like a cocky thing to do but I really don’t care — I care about those of you, my readers, who suffer with an ED and are trying to get better and see me as an example of that.

I hold myself to a standard on this blog and for you guys. I don’t think that it’s always right or fair to show you my fun weekends and my day to day which generally speaking is very vibrant and lovely. I had to work my ass off for this life that I have. There are still situations that bother me in my present day life — but the point is is that I have a good, very good life. My faith in God is restored, I love my family, adore the friends I have, and am working in an industry (makeup) that is as exciting as it is challenging. But I almost didn’t have all of that and I almost died from what I went through.

My blog – from now on – will not only be an account of my weekends and my fun. I want it to be an outlet for those of you who are looking to a REAL example of a REAL girl who go through a very intimidating and devastating time in her life. I really do understand and I really do get every little nitty gritty detail of what is going on with you guys. Even for my friends — some of them used to come up to me and still DO come to me and say, “You know, I always wanted to ask you about this…….. why did this happen? When did it start”, and I always say, “You can ask me anything you want about my eating disorder”. It is better to inform than to hide and it is better to be truthful than to lie.

So I am going to be YOUR open book. You can email me (stephsnacks@gmail.com) or ask me any and all questions in the comment section about what I went through, how I got over it, and any advice you may need. I want to help you get better — use ME to help YOU. This is kind of a trial an error — maybe it will be a Q & A and maybe it will result in more honest posts — but it’s something I want to try. I won’t stop showing you my fun weekends and my nights with my friends — that’s a huge part of who I am and what I do — but I want to be your sound board and your answer seeker for these tough topics. Even if you haven’t suffered from an eating disorder and still have questions or are baffled by something, I’m very open to answering everything for you.

Thank you for always reading and learning with me and helping me learn. I hope my new initiative helps you all to realize how much we can achieve together and how worth it your life will be after ED.

Love,

Steph